Sex with mermaids

Which is how I learned, without really intending it, that Pattinson has a new film called The Lighthouse , and that it involves human-on-mermaid sex. What should I know about mermaid reproductive anatomy to make it as enjoyable as possible for both of us? A few years ago, HelloGiggles admirably asked a marine biologist to come up with a mer-sex hypothesis grounded in models of fish reproduction. Others have suggested a different underwater comparison: Male dolphins have penises that fully retract into a small slit and when they emerge—oh god, they are monstrous and pink and I do not recommend a Google Images search. Female dolphins have a single, larger slit that contains both the vagina and the anus while male dolphins have a separate anal slit.

Mermaids are one of our shared cultural obsessions. Yes, we love all mermaids, but that last one brings us to one of our biggest lingering questions about these beautiful, mysterious creatures of the sea: How do mermaids have sex? The first instance of mermaid procreation in pop culture to come to mind is Ariel, from The Little Mermaid. There has to be more to the mermaid birds and bees than that, which begs the question: How do mermaids have sex?

The need for strong, independent local journalism is more urgent than ever. Our readers rely on our comprehensive news reporting. Please support the city we love by joining Friends of Willamette Week. It's best to refer to any half-human, half-fish being as a "merperson" until you know how they self-identify.

Mermen and women are shown with a fish tail up to their waist, leaving little room for spare parts. The obvious solution is to have them breed with eggs: the female lays them, the man does his thing after. So how do merpeople hook up when they like each other? To solve this problem, I just made my merpeople crustaceans.